Professionalism Schmofessionalism

I was told that the blog had become a series of personal rants directed at stuff I don't like. So, if for some reason you don't give a crap about what I like and what I don't like, please feel free to close out this web page and continue reading your FHM. But then again, I am ironic. That magazine just hates fat people.

I remember explaining over e-mail to my friend Alley what the different ranks of Soldiers were in the Army. To recap what in my recollection turned out to be a hilarious power point presentation. there are three "flavors" of Soldier. To wit:

Enlisted Soldiers -- your basic privates and privates first class. Their grade is the letter "E" (for enlisted) and their pay scale, which is a numerical denomination (1-4). They are the lemmings of the Army, blindly following whatever order they have been given and typically conspiring among themselves to screw something up ever so slightly.

Non-Commissioned Officers -- any rank from the lowest NCO (Corporal) to the highest NCO (Sergeant Major of the Army) are generally regarded as NCOs, though lumped together by skill, time in service, and varying levels of authority. Their grade is also an "E" followed by the numbers 4-9 to indicate their rank: a corporal is an E-4 and the Sergeant Major of the Army is E-9. NCOs are truly the backbone of the Army; while I might be an expert on the science of the battle, they are truly experts in field craft, a benefit of having been in the Army far longer than most officers and certainly longer than my 3 years. In order to advance in rank, the only requirements, at least from what I can see, are years in the Army and general, though sometimes overstated, competence. Keep your nose clean and you will progress in rank. NCOs (1) are generally afraid of looking like they don't know what's going on (2) treat junior officers with indifference boardering on contempt and (3) believe that if they are not somewhere to "square things away" the world will collapse from the weight of no authority.

Officers -- Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. The golden boys, at least in my humble opinion.

One of the common refrains you hear from non-commissioned officers is "don't call me 'sir'! I work for a living!!" followed by hearty laughs bellowed by other non-commissioned officers between spitting out skoal and taking drags on Camel Lights. It is a tiring refrain. You see, the non-commissioned officer believes that training Soldiers is his sacred right. His and no one else's. It does not matter than I might know a little more about any given subject, what does matter is that the NCO is supposed to train Soldiers, and if an officer gets in his way, by damn, he'll scream and huff and throw a tantrum because the officer is "stepping in his lane." Lanes denote work, I imagine - reference the "sir" quip above. I am expected to show up with my hand in my pocket drinking Starbucks and blend into the background.

But it is a catch-22. As a platoon leader I am responsible for everything that goes right or wrong in my platoon. If, while on a dismounted patrol through a rough section of Baghdad we happen to be ambushed and a Soldier is wounded, it is ultimately my responsiblity. But what if the wound was a direct result of poor training We all agree that training is definitely not my lane, but - this is the catch - it is still my fault. So while I am not really supposed to train Soldiers, I am still responsible for their training. My head hurts just thinking about it. (As an aside, I do not have this problem; my platoon sergeant is my running buddy, personal workout guru, drinking partner and honest-to-God friend. He and I get along and rarely step out-of-synch with one another. After talking to my other lieutenant friends, however, I am reminded of how rare this relationship truly is.)

One of the best and worst things the Army has is its professional NCO corps. They are groomed from young Soldiers to be leaders, experts in their craft. They take just pride in their work and obviously do not want some fresh-off-the-boat lieutenant telling them, in private or in public, that there is an easier or better way to accomplish something. But that is the problem: Soldiers are stubborn, Type-A personalities to begin with, people who are never at ease with being wrong and who will argue all day that the sky is purple just to save face. Given the opportunity, most people would prefer to teach a 90% solution rather than a 100% solution if that 100% takes a little longer to train and is a harder concept to grasp. If I see a problem I will try to fix it, rank be damned - I am called sir for a reason, after all. But if that problem is a result of a lazy Soldier, and that lazy Soldier is an NCO, I will catch hell and the problem will not be solved. Maybe Joseph Heller was right when he characterized the Army as one massive Catch-22.