Trying to Look more BA Than You Really Are

Embellishing your achievements or straight up lying about what you do for a living to girls who you meet in bars is as quintissentially man as stringing up a barbed wire fence on your ranch, shirtless, wearing wranglers. Lets face it, is this going to impress a beautiful woman without a sweet back story?

I am an investment banker, but I like to blow off steam sometimes. With you baby...

Let's not answer that. It was rhetorical. In all seriousness, this happens most the time. Soldiers are no different. I have generally found that the girls who are really impressed by the fact that you are in the Army are not the girls you want to get serious with. Ever. Do not tell Joe that, however. So what do you do when everyone knows you're in the Army? A profession, that I must admit consists of largely unexciting, menial work that is only rarely punctuated by adventure. You embelish it. You embelish the shit outa what you do so you can pick up chicks and have everyone you know think you're a bad ass. This is the way of the warrior. Since I have not been feeling like a true bad ass lately, I have come up with one (of hopefully many) embelished ways to talk about the ordinary stuff we do on a regular basis.

1. Going on a mission or leaving the wire. Becomes...

Giving the enemy the opportunity to try to kill me.

And guess what!? They failed because I am so BA!

Does it matter that we didn't take contact or even got a single stink eye from an Iraqi kid (they're usually to busy trying to get your watch)? Nope. What matters is what everyone percieves happened. Watch out civilian dudes back in America. I am going to perfect the "embelishing my day to day life to pick up chicks and impress people game" down to an unstoppable science of awesome.