Thank you for your service...

"It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, more vengeance, more desolation. War is hell."

-- William Tecumseh Sherman

Earlier this September, as our country tried to make sense of 9/11 on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of the attacks, the withdrawal from Iraq and the drawdown of US forces from Afghanistan, I read more and more OpEds in both the Washington Post and New York Times about the expression "thank you for your service." It has become a catch-all for any civilian who happens to run into someone who is a member of the Armed Forces; not knowing what exactly they should say (and, cynical as it might sound, not sure what this specific serviceman has done for them) most people mumble somewhat cliched "thank you for your service" before offering to buy them coffee. There is little you can say back: as a servicemember I imagine we are obligated to handle the mismanaged respect with a curt head nod or maybe a smile. Something to show civilians how disciplined and serious we are, and how their gratitude for our choice chosen profession has left us deeply moved on an emotional level.


It's all a load of crap, though.


I rarely travel in uniform. In fact, except for official business, I rarely maintain anything on my body (dog tags, an Army shirt, etc) that identifies me as a Soldier. This is a personal choice that I know some people make and others do not; as I like to say I am in the Army, not of the Army. And it has nothing to do with Operational Security; I just don't like the attention that comes with the uniform. I do my job the same as many, many other people do theirs: sleepwalking through Monday morning meetings, sneaking out to get a cup of coffee and, at times, try to do anything but work.

Don't worry. They are British... so not wasting your money in a winner-take-all jousting match

If people feel they have some obligation to thank me for doing a job, then shouldn't they also thank their barista at Starbucks or waitress at Applebees for their service? Or maybe the city cop or volunteer firefighter or the long-haul trucker or literally thousands of other professions whose sole purpose is the service of others. I guess that is being trite, but it makes sense to me. I am not in in the Army to make people feel better for themselves because they thanked me just the same as the guy flinging drinks at the bar is not psyched to deal with the in-your-face effects of college kids having a few too many drinks. I might be hammering home the wrong point here, but the gist is the same I imagine.


I think the "thank you for your service" has its roots in Hollywood. As the Greatest Generation dies (a depressing 4000 World War II veterans die a month, by some estimates) their children, Baby Boomers all of them, must feel compelled to try to relate to their parents by directing "based on a true story" war movies or producing a miniseries based on their memoirs. Dramatized accounts of war, plot notwithstanding, are a horrible and convoluted way to say "I forgive you for having a tough time relating to me when I was a hippie." And people die in war films, but they always seem to go out in a blaze of glory, six shooters at the hip and a dozen dead Japanese surrounding their foxhole. Death becomes glamorous, a destination and not an final stop. I guess people see Soldiers die in film and think that every Soldier is somehow hard-wired to be ready for death at any time. Its a lie. I am no more ready for death than any of the three people who will read this. But because we are apparently laying our life on the line for the average person (spoiler alert: the majority of the Armed Forces -- Army, Navy, Marines, etc. -- are not laying their life on the line for any reason other than a steady paycheck), and the only interaction they have with the military is the History Channel, a thank-you seems in order.

SSG Barnes here notwithstanding

And death is not glamorous. It is a disgusting, saddening, depressing reality... about as far from glamor as you can get. My own uncle is slowly succumbing to Multiple Sclerosis and it is the most helpless feeling in the world when I go to visit him. I see a person who was once so full of life, the same person who took me to Richmond Braves baseball games, sneaked me Mountain Dew when my parents said "no" to soda, and read me books before I went to bed, reduced to someone who can barely feed himself. Why would anyone actively choose that? Joining the military is not an admission of ones preparedness to die any more than one late payment on a credit card bill is an invitation for the bank to repossess your house.


I guess I am, as typical, way off topic. People want to say thank-you because I am among less than 1/10 of 1% of the population that is in the Army... an organization that limits itself in size to a number roughly 1/10 of 1% of the population. And they mean well, of course, because they want me to know they appreciate my job -- not me specifically, but all men and women in uniform. There is literally nothing wrong with that, and I should probably get over my own insecurities with people showing me attention when I wear a uniform that, by design, stands out from jeans and t-shirts.


But don't say it. Tell a Soldier in a letter or send him or her a care package. Don't buy me coffee, donate that money to the Wounded Warrior Project. Put your money where your mouth is. There are literally millions of veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan who will be attempting to reintegrate into civilian life in the next few years. Support them not with a veiled attempt at gratitude but with actual, honest work. Maybe then you can be on the receiving end of some thank-yous from Soldiers... and then you will see how humbling it really is.